So my dad’s getting married:
We are looking for 2 “ushers” to guard the open front door for 10 minutes – a legal requirement, since this is a public ceremony.
So because it’s a “public ceremony” you have to have the front door open. But should a member of the public request entrance, you would be within your rights to tell them to piss off (hence ushers, guarding). Instead of achieving the same end by, say, closing the damn door in the first place and saving everyone ten minutes of standing around looking stupid on a particularly stressful occaision because heaven forbid we should proceed with the ceremony while Gary and Stuart are standing outside guarding the door which we have to have open in order to… etc.
How in the name of Christ’s left nipple is this part of a legal document of any sort? Was some legislator planning on getting hammered off their face and then crashing their ex’s wedding and didn’t want to be foiled by an inability to manipulate door knobs while simultaneously refraining from projectile vomiting until the bride was in range? Or do they just spend their time coming up with utterly ridiculous stipulations to the commissioning of contracts in order to give themselves wiggle room when they inevitably get divorced for fucking their secretary? “Well, actually m’dear the front door was closed so we were never legally married. No alimony for you, please leave the keys under the potted plant on your way out, I’ll be late to pick the kids up on Friday.”
No wonder lawyers are such a humourless bunch of zombies – their sense of the absurd gets burned out by prolonged exposure to shit like this. It must the psychic equivalent of working in a tyre factory.
